Lana Del Rey Shit Show

While everyone has their panties in a twist over Beiber Fever, let me remind you of the incredulous Lana Del Rey. She's a sham and represents everything that is evil and wrong with the modern music industry. LDR is a washed-up singer who sold her soul to the titans in the music biz. Those huckers changed her name, injected her lips with more collagen than a Beverly Hills cosmetic surgeon dispatches in a month, and told her to sing like she had an ashtray in her mouth.

What hath they birthed? One big bowl of hipsterfied ostrich shit bobbing around in a soup of lukewarm PBR.

LDR's lameness was exposed during her atrocious appearance on SNL, which ruined her impending tour. Hey, I'm pissed that her manager cancelled the tour. I had scored LDR tix and I wanted to check out her shitshow for myself and drink Rhubarb Margaritas, while jacked up on Ludes and stand in the back to try to dry-hump hipster chicks cracked out on Adderall and vodka-soaked tampons.

LDR's PR people spun her SNL debacle it as best they could saying she was nervous. Okay, she got a mulligan. But why the hell did the pouty LDR stink up the joint on the Jools Holland show? I've seen corpses with better stage presence than LDR.